Nova diakonisa v Avstriji

Z novo diakoniso Jutto Schmitzberger smo opravili obsežen intervju ob njenem diakonskem posvečenju. Jutta je z nami delila svoje osebno mnenje in z veseljem vas vabimo, da si preberete celotni intervju, ki ponuja zanimive odgovore na zastavljena vprašanja.

1. Začniva osebno: kdo je Jutta Schmitzberger, če bi se morali predstaviti nekomu, ki vas sreča prvič – ne kot diakoniso, temveč kot osebo?

Sem zelo radoživa in strastna oseba, zato rada v svoje življenje in v življenje ljudi okoli sebe vnesem kanček kaosa. Hkrati pa potrebujem tudi veliko časa zase, da si napolnim baterije. Obožujem kavo s spenjenim mlekom, plavanje in dobre romane.

2. Vaša poklicna pot pred vstopom v cerkveno službo je bila na področju socialne pedagogike. Kaj vas je pritegnilo k temu poklicu in katere izkušnje iz tistega obdobja so vas najbolj zaznamovale?

Za poklic socialne pedagoginje sem se odločila, ker sem želela delati na področju, ki družbi prinaša dodano vrednost in ljudem nudi konkretno podporo. Pri svojem delu sem večinoma sodelovala z marginaliziranimi posamezniki in skupinami. Te izkušnje so me močno oblikovale, saj so mi pokazale, kako pogosto je naš svet nepravičen. Pred tem si ne smemo zatiskati oči. Hkrati pa sem se naučila, kako pomembne so lahko majhne geste. Spomnim se mladega človeka, ki je bil nov v naši ustanovi. Bilo je hladno in mokro vreme in prosila sem ga, naj si obleče jakno. Sprva je rekel le: »To je moja stvar, ne bi se smeli vmešavati.« Odgovorila sem mu: »Da, vendar mi je pomembno, da ne zboliš.« Za trenutek me je zmedeno pogledal in nato rekel: »Vam je res mar zame?« Nato si je oblekel jakno. Bila je majhna gesta, a mi je pokazala, da takšni trenutki res lahko naredijo razliko in v to verjamem.

3. Kaj se je v vas spremenilo ali premaknilo, da ste začutili klic k služenju Bogu? Bi rekli, da je šlo za postopno prebujenje ali za nenaden notranji klic?

Prvič sem hrepenenje po služenju Bogu začutila že kot otrok. Bila sem prva ministrantka v naši rimskokatoliški vaščanski župniji. Po prvem obhajilu sem duhovnika vprašala, zakaj smejo ministrirati samo fantje, in povedala, da bi tudi sama rada ministrirala. Dovolil mi je in tako se je ta želja prvič konkretno oblikovala.

Ko sem se kasneje pridružila Starokatoliški cerkvi, je ta notranji vzgib ponovno dobil prostor. Tam sem začutila, da je pot v cerkveno službo resnično moja. Zame to ni bil nenaden poklicni dogodek, temveč postopno prebujenje: hrepenenje, ki je bilo prisotno že od otroštva in je z leti postajalo vse glasnejše. Tako sem se začela dejavno vključevati v župnijo, študirati teologijo in stopila na svojo pot.

4. Kako se je vaša družina odzvala na vašo odločitev za cerkveno službo diakonise? Ste naleteli na razumevanje ali tudi na vprašanja in dvome?

Starokatoliški cerkvi sem se pridružila skupaj s svojo sedanjo ženo in obe sva bili dejavno vključeni v župnijo. Tako ona kot moja pastorka sta me na tej poti vedno spodbujali in podpirali.

5. Kdaj ste prvič stopili v stik s starokatoliško skupnostjo in kaj vas je pri njej najbolj pritegnilo ali presenetilo?

Z ženo sva si želeli obiskati bogoslužje, ki ga vodi ženska. Na Starokatoliško cerkev sva naleteli v okviru programa Dolga noč cerkva. Najprej sva na spletu prebrali vse, kar sva lahko našli o Starokatoliški cerkvi, nato pa sva nekaj tednov kasneje prvič obiskali bogoslužje v župniji. Takoj sva se počutili zelo domače in sprejete – zame je bilo to skoraj kot prihod domov.

Posebej mi je bila všeč odprtost in številne možnosti za dejavno sodelovanje v Cerkvi in občestvu. Vedno znova me preseneča, kako malo je Starokatoliška cerkev poznana. Tudi sama zanjo prej nisem vedela. Hkrati pa še vedno menim, da je lahko dober prostor za mnoge ljudi, ki želijo svojo vero živeti skupaj z drugimi kristjani. Le bolje jo moramo znati narediti vidno navzven.

6. Starokatoliška cerkev ima nekoliko drugačen pogled na vlogo žensk v službah kot večina drugih krščanskih tradicij. Kako ste osebno doživljali to odprtost in možnost služenja kot ženska?

Zame je zelo pomembno, da sem del Cerkve, ki resno jemlje poklicanost žensk in jih ne izključuje iz služb zgolj na podlagi spola. Vedno me razveseli, ko vidim ženske v cerkvenih službah, saj mi to daje zgled in oporo.

7. Diakonska služba je pogosto opisana kot most med Cerkvijo in ljudmi, zlasti tistimi na robu družbe. Kako vi osebno razumete to vlogo in katere skupine ljudi so vam še posebej blizu?

Delo z marginaliziranimi posamezniki in skupinami mi je poznano že iz časa, ko sem delala kot socialna pedagoginja. Zelo se veselim, da bom te izkušnje in pridobljene veščine lahko uporabila v svojem delu diakonise. Primerjava, ki mi je zelo pri srcu, je skupna pogostitev: Cerkev in občestvo ne bi smela biti kot ljudska kuhinja, kjer tisti, ki imajo veliko, velikodušno dajejo tistim, ki imajo manj. Bolj podobno naj bo skupnemu obedu, h kateremu vsak prinese, kar lahko. Prizadevala si bom, da bi v Cerkvi takšen način življenja vere živeli pogosteje.

8. Kaj vas v veri navdihuje – je kak svetopisemski lik, odlomek ali misel, ki vas spremlja skozi življenje in službo?

Svetopisemski lik, ki me vedno znova spodbuja in mi izvabi nasmeh, je Peter. Po eni strani Jezusu s strastjo sledi, po drugi strani pa evangeliji večkrat pokažejo, kako ne izpolni lastnih idealov. Na primer v Matejevem evangeliju želi hoditi po vodi proti Jezusu, a se začne pogrezati. Ali pa goreče priseže, da Jezusa nikoli ne bo zatajil – in se to kljub temu zgodi. Prav ta protislovja ga zame naredijo zelo človeškega in dostopnega. In kljub vsem njegovim slabostim ga Jezus pokliče, kar se mi zdi izjemno spodbudno za moje lastno življenje in službo.

9. Kako bi danes opisali svoj odnos z Bogom?

Ob mojem posvečenju smo peli pesem »Vsi moji viri so v tebi«. Tako doživljam svoj odnos z Bogom. Zame je Bog vir, iz katerega črpam moč, usmeritev in veselje.

10. V cerkveni službi se duhovnost pogosto prepleta z zelo konkretnimi, vsakdanjimi nalogami. Kako ohranjate ravnovesje med notranjim življenjem in praktičnimi odgovornostmi?

Ravnovesje med duhovnostjo in praktičnimi zahtevami sem na začetku svoje polne službe doživljala kot poseben izziv. Zlasti pri pripravi pridig ali delu s svetopisemskimi besedili se hitro pojavi občutek, da je človek že poskrbel za lastno duhovno življenje, a to ne drži. Zelo mi je pomagalo, da sem si zavestno vzela čas za molitev zjutraj in zvečer. Zjutraj v tišini iščem Božjo navzočnost in se notranje umirim, zvečer pa skupaj z Bogom pogledam nazaj na dan: Bogu izročim stvari, ki niso bile dokončane ali so šle narobe, ter se zahvalim za vse, kar je bilo dobro in me je razveselilo.

11. Kaj pričakujete od svoje nove poti diakonise? Kateri vidiki te poklicanosti vas najbolj navdušujejo in kateri vas navdajajo s spoštljivim strahom?

Zelo se veselim svoje liturgične službe kot diakonise, branja evangelija in priprave darov za evharistijo. Z veliko resnostjo pa sprejemam tudi dejstvo, da moram zdaj sama živeti po merilih, ki se jih pričakuje od klera.

12. Starokatoliška cerkev posvečuje ženske tudi v duhovniško službo. Se v prihodnosti vidite tudi v tej vlogi ali vas bolj nagovarja diakonsko, služenju usmerjeno poslanstvo?

Čutim klic v duhovniško službo in zato nadaljujem svoje teološko izobraževanje. Pravkar sem začela magistrski študij na Dunaju. Hkrati pa želim zavestno rasti v svoji vlogi diakonise. Menim, da je pomembno, da si tam, kjer si, v celoti navzoč in predan.

13. Družba se hitro spreminja in z njo tudi odnos ljudi do vere. Kako lahko po vašem mnenju Cerkev danes znova približa sporočilo evangelija ljudem?

Mislim, da je najpomembnejši korak ta, da svojo vero živimo pristno, da znamo prisluhniti ljudem, ko govorijo o svoji duhovnosti ali duhovnih izkušnjah. Ko pa smo vprašani o svoji veri, moramo o njej govoriti v jeziku, ki ga sogovornik razume. Zlasti pri zahtevnejših temah obstaja skušnjava, da se »zatečemo« v zelo teološki, cerkveno obarvan jezik. Tudi sama poučujem starokatoliški verouk in opažam, da včasih na vprašanja učencev odgovorim s teološkim predavanjem, a to sploh ni bilo njihovo vprašanje. Ljudje sprašujejo predvsem o Bogu in veri, ne o teoloških izrazih.

14. Če bi vas kdo vprašal, kaj je bistvo krščanskega občestva nekaj, kar bi moralo obstati skozi vse čase kaj bi odgovorili?

Zame je bistvo krščanskega občestva v tem, da nas je Bog vedno hotel in ljubil, ter da to ljubezen nosimo naprej v našem občestvu in v svojih dejanjih.

15. In za konec: kakšno sporočilo bi radi posredovali bralkam in bralcem naše revije Glas vere, zlasti tistim, ki se morda sprašujejo, ali jih Bog še vedno kliče na posebno pot?

Mislim, da želi Bog z vsakim izmed nas napisati edinstveno, posebno zgodbo. Če se sprašujete, ali je cerkvena služba del te zgodbe, vam lahko svetujem le, da zaupate Bogu, se o tem pogovarjate z drugimi in opazujete, kaj se bo iz tega razvilo.

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V nadaljevanju si lahko preberete intervju v izvornem angleškem jeziku

1. Let’s start personally: Who is Jutta Schmitzberger, if you had to introduce yourself to someone meeting you for the first time – not as a deaconess, but as a person?

I am a very enthusiastic and passionate person, which is why I like to bring a little bit of chaos into my life and that of those around me. But I also need a lot of time alone to recharge my batteries. I also love coffee with milk foam, swimming, and good novels.

• Your professional journey before entering church service was in social pedagogy. What led you to that vocation, and which experiences from that period shaped you the most?

I chose to become a social education worker because I wanted to work in a field that offers added value to society and provides concrete support to people. In my work, I have mainly worked with marginalized individuals and groups. These experiences have shaped me because they have shown me how unfair our world often is—we must not turn a blind eye to this. At the same time, I have learned how important small gestures can be. I remember a young person who was new to our facility. It was cold and wet, and I asked him to put on his jacket. At first, he just said, “That’s my business, you shouldn’t interfere.” I then said to him, “Yes, but it’s important to me that you don’t get sick.” He looked at me briefly, confused, and then said, “You do care about me?” He then put on his jacket. It was a small gesture, but it showed me that moments like these can really make a difference – and I believe that.

• What changed or shifted within you that made you feel called to serve the Church? Would you say it was a gradual awakening or a sudden inner calling?

The first time I felt a longing to serve God was when I was a child. I was the first female altar server in our Roman Catholic village parish. After my first communion, I asked the priest why only boys were allowed to serve as altar servers and said that I would like to do so too. He then allowed me to serve as an altar server, and so this desire took shape for the first time.
When I later joined the Old Catholic Church, this inner movement found space once again. There I felt that the path to church service was truly mine. For me, it was less a sudden experience of vocation and more a gradual awakening: a longing that had been there since childhood and had become clearer and clearer over the years. So I began to get involved in the parish, study theology, and set out on my path.

• How did your family react to your decision to enter church ministry as a deaconess? Did you encounter understanding—or also questions and doubts?

I joined the Old Catholic Church together with my current wife, and we were both actively involved in the parish.Both she and my stepdaughter always encouraged and supported me on my journey.

5. When did you first come into contact with the Old Catholic community, and what attracted or surprised you most about it?

My wife and I wanted to attend a church service led by a woman. We came across the Old Catholic Church through the Long Night of Churches program. First, we read everything we could find online about the Old Catholic Church, and then a few weeks later we went to a service at the parish for the first time. We immediately felt very comfortable and welcome there—for me, it was a bit like coming home.
I particularly liked the openness and the many opportunities to get involved in the church and the congregation. I was always surprised at how little known the Old Catholic Church is—I didn’t know about it before either. At the same time, I still think that it could be a good place for many people to live their faith together with other Christians. We just need to get better at making that visible to the outside world.

• The Old Catholic Church has a somewhat different view of the role of women in ministry than most other Christian traditions. How did you personally experience this openness and the possibility of serving as a woman?

For me, it is very important to be in a church that takes women’s calling seriously and does not simply exclude them from ministry on the basis of their gender. I am always delighted to see women in ministry, as this gives me role models to look up to.

• The diaconal ministry is often described as a bridge between the Church and people—especially those on the margins. How do you personally understand this role, and which groups of people speak to your heart the most?
  
  

I am already familiar with working with marginalized individuals or groups from my time as a social worker. I am very much looking forward to applying this experience and the skills I have gained to my work as a deacon. A comparison that I really like is that of a potluck: the church and the congregation should not be like a soup kitchen, where those who have a lot generously give to those who have less. Rather, it is like a communal meal to which everyone brings what they can. I would like to work towards ensuring that we live this way more often in the church.

• What inspires you in faith—is there a biblical figure, passage, or thought that accompanies you through life and ministry?

 A biblical figure who always encourages me and makes me smile is Peter. On the one hand, he passionately follows Jesus, but on the other hand, the Gospels repeatedly show how he fails to live up to his own standards. For example, in the Gospel of Matthew, he wants to walk on water to Jesus, but sinks. Or he passionately swears never to betray Jesus, and then it happens anyway. It is precisely these contradictions that make Peter very human and approachable to me. And despite all his weaknesses, Jesus calls him, which I find incredibly encouraging for my own life and ministry.

• How would you describe your relationship with God today?

 At my ordination, we sang the song “All my springs come from you.” That’s how I feel about my relationship with God. For me, God is the source from which I draw strength, guidance, and joy.

• In church ministry, spirituality is often intertwined with very concrete, everyday tasks. How do you maintain balance between inner life and practical responsibilities?
  
  I found the balance between spirituality and practical requirements particularly challenging at the beginning of my full-time ministry. Especially when preparing sermons or working with biblical texts, it is easy to get the impression that one has already taken care of one’s own spiritual life. But that is not the case. It has helped me greatly to consciously set aside time for prayer in the morning and evening. In the morning, I seek God’s presence in silence and center myself inwardly, and in the evening, I look back on the day with God: I give to God the things that were not finished or that went wrong, and I give thanks for the things that went well and brought me joy.

11. What do you expect from your new path as a deaconess? Which aspects of this vocation excite you most, and which fill you with respectful awe?

I am very much looking forward to my liturgical service as a deacon. To reading the Gospel and preparing the gifts for the Eucharist. I respect the fact that I now have to live up to my own standards for clergy.

12. The Old Catholic Church also ordains women to the priesthood. Do you see yourself possibly in that role in the future, or are you more drawn to the diaconal, service-oriented mission?

I feel called to priestly ministry and will therefore continue my theological education. I have just started a master’s degree in Vienna. At the same time, I want to consciously grow into my role as a deacon. I think it is important to be fully present and committed wherever you are.

1. Society is changing rapidly, and so is people’s relationship with faith. How, in your opinion, can the Church today bring the message of the Gospel closer to people again?

I think the most important step is that we live our own faith authentically, listen to people when they talk about their spirituality or spiritual experiences. And when we are asked about our faith, we should talk about it in a language that my counterpart can also understand. Especially when it comes to complex topics, there is always a tendency to “take refuge” in very theological, church-influenced language. I also teach Old Catholic religion, and I notice that when some students ask questions, I tend to give a theological lecture, but that wasn’t the question at all. People primarily ask about God and our faith, not about theological terms.

1. If you were asked what the essence of Christian community is—something that should endure through all times—what would you say?
   For me, the essence of Christian community is that we have always been wanted and loved by God and that we carry this love forward in our community and in our actions

1. And finally: what message would you like to share with the readers of our magazine Glas vere, especially with those who might be wondering whether God is still calling them to a special path?

I think God wants to write a unique, special story with each of us. If you’re wondering whether serving as a clergy member is part of that story, I can only advise you to trust in God, talk to other people about it, and see what develops.